


Nimiam Caritatem

by vanilla_and_tea



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: ;), Best Friends, Canon DadBoyHalo if you close your eyes, Coping Mechanisms, Dream Smp, Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Fuck man they're just soft...., Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, Karl is a Time Traveller and I love that, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Romantic End, amen to that, canon spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:09:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29810295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanilla_and_tea/pseuds/vanilla_and_tea
Summary: Infatuated.That’s the phrase that had been echoing through Karl’s scattered mind over the past few weeks, months even.  Complete and utter infatuation with one of his closest friends.He couldn’t quite place the moment he realised that he was, in fact, completely and utterly screwed. It wasn’t at the very first moment he had lain eyes upon him, despite what most romance novels would have you believe. But somewhere along the way, between the wars and the nation they had founded together, Karl had managed to find himself completely and totally transfixed with the one and only Sapnap.(( aka a fic where they're just happy, because we all deserve some fluff ))
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Karl Jacobs & GeorgeNotFound, Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	Nimiam Caritatem

**Author's Note:**

> Yoooo!! I'm not writing (too much) angst for once!!  
> My reasoning for this is due to recent events on the SMP. I think we all deserve a small break from the heartbreak. 
> 
> I'd like to thank @what_the_hell_even_is_that for being my wonderful editor, despite dragging me while editing.  
> And without further ado, I hope you all enjoy!!!

Infatuated. 

That’s the phrase that had been echoing through Karl’s scattered mind over the past few weeks, months even. Complete and utter infatuation with one of his closest friends.

He couldn’t quite place the moment he realised that he was, in fact, completely and utterly screwed. It wasn’t at the very first moment he had lain eyes upon him, despite what most romance novels would have you believe. But somewhere along the way, between the wars and the nation they had founded together, Karl had managed to find himself completely and totally transfixed with the one and only Sapnap, Texan extraordinaire. 

It was quite funny, actually. Some people thought the hot-headed Sapnap would’ve been no good match for the seemingly timid Karl, and yet others would say that the pair were too similar in their mannerisms to go well together. Somehow, the two managed to balance each other in a near perfect way. 

Karl was loud , and jumpy, quite like the other, but could ramble on and on for hours. Sapnap was a good counter to this, as he’d had practice listening for hours on end due to his talkative friend.

Sapnap was quickly excited, and energetic, also like Karl was, but he could also get extremely focused on a single task, and get quite frustrated when it couldn’t be completed instantly, or in the exact way he wanted it to be done. Karl was a great addition to have in those moments, as he knew how to defuse the situation, and get his friend out of the rut that he was in. 

All in all, they balanced each other to near perfection. I say near perfection, as both of them had their blips. Karl could be too withdrawn at times, and Sapnap too fiery. It was normal, and natural, and they always got over it and came out better than they were when they went in. 

They were strong, unbreakable friends, and Karl was never happier than when he was with the other. 

And yet.

Karl was used to having thoughts constantly occupying his mind, never able to keep his brain free of the constant, fluttering words and phrases crossing through it, along with the memories of himself and others from past and future timelines. 

For a matter of fact, his friends were quite often one of the main thoughts in his mind. They were the reason he went on crazy adventures, and interfered with how things went and how they would go. He would try his hardest at all times to make sure that no matter the cost, his friends and those he considered family, would be safe and carefree. 

But the way Sapnap was lingering in his mind had a different feel to it than the thoughts that were tied to his other friends did, and something about it didn’t quite sit right with him. 

For a start, Karl would find himself losing track of time more and more often when he was thinking about the other. At first, he put it down to the time travelling, saying that the constant jumping was having an effect on his memory. While this was true, he would also find minutes slipping away when he hadn’t travelled in weeks. 

Karl would consider himself decently smart, and soon enough he’d managed to pinpoint the cause of time escaping him, and wouldn’t you know exactly who the cause was. 

Another strange effect of the man occupying his waking moments was that he’d begun to occupy his resting ones too. He’d found himself having more and more dreams involving the other. 

It wasn’t like the dreams were awkward, or uncomfortable, far from it. It was just that they were so domestic. So simple. 

The dreams themself often started pretty normal. Himself, Sapnap, Quackity and George would go off on some wandering adventure to find one thing or another, laughing and having fun the way they usually did. Cracking stupid jokes, trying not to die, trying to spook the others into messing up their speedbuilds. Y’know, the usual jokey stuff that they did.

Halfway through the dream, Sapnap and himself would end up split off from the rest of the group, seemingly chuckling softly to themselves and hiding under a brush. 

Depending on the mood Karl was in, this was either the spot where his fantasy would turn into a nightmare, or continue on as normal. No matter the outcome, though, the dream would always end the same. Sapnap would turn to face him, and he would smile. Just a plain, simple, deep smile, and each and every time, Karl would melt. He’d feel the heat emitting from his own stupidly smiling face, even in his dream state, and he’d laugh and stare into the other’s jade eyes. He’d say something stupid, and then Sapnap would reach out to him, and pull him close, planting his lips on the others. 

Then the dream would end.

At first, Karl tried to rationalise it. Surely this was a normal thing to happen, right? Friends had strange, oddly intimate dreams about others all the time. It almost definitely had just a simple, neat explanation like that, and he could agree, move on, and be done with it. 

Unfortunately for him, his curiosity got the best of him, and he just had to go and open his mouth to one of his friends about it.

“Kissy dreams?” George has repeated back to him, looking just as confused as Karl felt on the inside. “Like, that mushy gushy stuff happens in your dreams? With who?”

“Oh, no no don’t worry, it’s with nobody important,” Karl stammered out, trying to save his own skin from being roasted and put on the firing line to be the joke of the group for the next few days, “But, like, it’s normal, right? You don’t have to have feelings for someone to dream about kissing them and stuff?”

“Well, no, not usually. But you said it was recurring, yeah? Normally that kind of stuff doesn’t really continue happening unless there’s actual strong feelings there or whatever.” 

George waggled his eyebrows after that last sentence, and continued what felt like an interrogation at this stage.

“So, go on. Cough it up. Who’s the lucky lady?”

Mind reeling, Karl let out a half giggle, and used his extreme acting skills to cover up any panic he may have been feeling in that moment.

“Literally no one important dude, what the honk. Unless, of course,” he cut off, staring wide eyed into the brunette’s eyes and continued in a teasing voice, “You’d like it to be someone important.”

George gave him a small shove, and ended the conversation with a, “Dude, no, what the hell.”

From the evidence Karl had gathered, this wasn’t a normal experience, and he didn’t quite think that he could keep pretending it was for much longer. He either needed to figure out exactly what was happening to him, or he needed to get rid of the pesky dream. 

The latter turned out to be way easier said than done.

Karl tried using the first couple remedies from books he’d read. Drinking milk before bed, not eating before he slept, spending time reading before finally sleeping, but to no avail. 

He tried writing a journal of his thoughts, writing out a scenario he wanted to dream about, making sure his raven haired friend would make no appearance in them whatsoever, but zilch changed. Karl either had the same pesky dream, or he didn’t dream at all, and awoke the next morning feeling a bone deep tiredness, and often bearing a headache. 

Why did nobody tell him emotions were this _exhausting?_

Eventually, Karl had grown so opposed to the fantasies of his friend that he tried staying awake for days on end, sleeping only when absolutely necessary. 

You can imagine how well that went, I’m sure.

Ironically enough, it was Sapnap who had discovered that he was intentionally sabotaging his own sleep schedule. Instead of being met with an endless questionnaire like he’d expected, Karl was met with a soft grin and concerned eyes, followed by a quick pat on the shoulder. 

Karl was unsettled by this at first, as his friend was usually one of the more curious of the two, to the point of extreme stubbornness sometimes, but Sapnap didn’t pry. Instead, he sat with Karl in silence for a while, and then slowly spoke about his own sleeping habits. Whether this was an attempt to settle Karl’s mind, and relax his friend enough into sleeping, or just empty words to caution the silence that was between them, Karl couldn’t tell. Either way, he listened with ease as Sapnap rambled out his thoughts.

“I know it probably comes as a surprise, but uh, I don’t sleep very well either. At first, during the war, I thought it was just a side effect of needing to be prepared for every situation, but when the war finished and it stuck around, I started asking others about it,” Sapnap explained while sitting on the edge of Karl’s sofa. 

“Some people say it's PTSD, or anxiety, or just a really bad habit that I managed to pick up during a stressful time. It could be anything, really, I guess. But, to be frank,” Sapnap turned to look into Karl’s eyes, “I can’t trust the calm anymore. Especially not enough to sleep.”

Karl could figure how it felt. Not being able to ever feel quite at ease, feeling as if someone, or something, is constantly lurking just out of reach, preparing to rouse you out of the nice stillness you’re in at a moments notice. 

He himself felt the constant stress of being lurched into action at a moments notice, what with all the time travelling nonsense that had been bestowed on him. Of course, this was nothing compared to the horrors Sapnap had lived through, in his opinion, but he could still relate to the gut wrenching fear that could envelope you at any given time.

He couldn’t tell this to Sapnap. He wouldn’t dare. It was hard enough hearing about the fears and ghosts lurking inside his friend’s own mind, and it would be selfish to add his own ghouls on top of them.

So instead, Karl did the only thing he felt would work in this situation, and pulled Sapnap into a hug. 

Sapnap stayed with him that night.

They both slept better than they had in months.

This, in typical fashion, had only managed to make Karl’s situation worse. I mean, sure, he’d had an amazing sleep, and felt more comfort than he ever had while laying beside his friend, but now he felt the overwhelmingly crushing absence of him during any anxiety ridden nights.

It wasn’t as if he could walk up to Sapnap and say, “Hey, so I know we’re just friends and everything like that, but do you mind sleeping next to me in my bed so that I sleep better and that I stop having oddly romantic and intimate dreams about you?” That was a one way ticket to making sure that the other never went within a 50 foot radius of him ever again.

So now raised the question; What the hell was Karl gonna do?

He had options, of course. 

He could simply walk on, pretending like nothing was amiss, and live his usual normal life alongside his friends. 

He could talk to Sapnap about the dreams and then, with a bit of luck, they’d go away.

Or he could hope that he time travelled and lost all his memories to avoid ever having to deal with the situation he was in ever again.

None of these were solid responses though. Karl felt like no matter what he did, their friendship dynamic would change for the worse. There was nothing he wanted less than that.

So, in trying to deal with his thoughts and work out the best course of action, Karl did the thing that he figured would be the best for everyone involved, and didn’t communicate with any of his friends, or leave his house for the past week. He stayed inside, drowning in his thoughts and running through different scenarios in his head.

Normally, he’d go to Quackity or George for advice with this kinda stuff, but Quackity seemed to have enough on his plate for now, and he wasn’t the best person to be giving romantic advice, especially after his whole debacle with Schlatt. George, despite usually having his best interests in mind, would tease him mercilessly, and that wasn’t what he needed right now. Besides, he didn’t want to make his friends worried on his behalf. Karl was a strong, grown man, and he could deal with his emotions in his own time, and then come out with a perfect plan, and nothing would go amiss. 

This is the thought he’d carried with him for the past few days, while sorting through his own thoughts and emotions. A list had been written out of all of the events in the dream, every single excruciating detail that he could tear out of his fog ridden brain. Countless scenarios had been played out in his mind, most of them ending in painful embarrassment or rejection. 

Karl was hardly eating, or tidying up after himself, simply letting himself be utterly overwhelmed by the wave of helplessness he felt.

Maybe it was for the best that he was staying away from the group. This way, he was the only one being plagued by his own rotten emotions, and he wasn’t interfering with anyone else’s life. He figured that if he stayed in long enough, his feelings for Sapnap would eventually worm their way out of his system, and he could slowly integrate himself back in the group and act as if nothing had changed. Sure, he’d be a tad sad for a couple of weeks, and he’d wallow in his self pity and feel the loss of the fuzzy emotions that he’d grown so used to feeling anytime he made his dark haired friend laugh or smile at him, but he’d get over in due time. Then, in a couple days, things would melt back into the casual and comfy routine that everyone had grown accustomed to. 

All in all, Karl figured himself to be a small bit of a genius when coming up with this foolproof plan. He had enough food and supplies to tide him over for another 2 weeks at least, without having to make any small treks out to the village or the farms for food. If he did have to make any trips to the farm, he could go under starlight. There was usually spare food left over in the chests, and nobody would take too much notice if most of it disappeared. It was a solid plan, for the most part, but he’d forgotten to consider one of, if not the most important factor in this strategy. 

Sapnap. 

The time on the clock read _3:47AM,_ and Karl could’ve sworn he experienced heart failure when he awoke to the sound of frantic pounding against his door. He fled from his bed, grabbing his axe which hung above his bed frame, and raced down to his front door while grabbing any armour he could while stumbling down the stairs. 

He flung open the door carelessly, as if it’d been someone with bad intentions, they could’ve gotten in a good couple hits on him before he could shut the door. He welcomed the sight of his slightly manic looking friend on his porch, but then felt sudden panic overcome him. 

_Was something wrong?_

_Had something happened while he was away?_

_God, he was selfish, and screwed, and something bad had happened and he was hiding, and Sapnap just looked so sad-_

“-arl? Karl, what’s wrong? You’re shaking,” Sapnap half whispered, laying a hand on top of Karl’s shoulder.

“I- hm? What? Why are you asking _me_ what’s wrong? You’re the one coming to my house at nearly 4am. I assumed something was up with you?”

“Ok, first of all, since when has time meant absolutely anything to you?” Sapnap half joked, slightly shoving his way inside Karl’s front door, “It’s cold as balls out there, dude, I’m coming in. Second of all, you’ve been M.I.A for the past, what, week or so? I couldn’t get a wink of sleep, so I figured I may as well put some of my oh-so-precious time to some good use, and check up on you.” 

Sapnap ended the last sentence with emphasis, dropping down into Karl’s sofa. “So, here I am!”

Karl shut his door, rubbing his hands together in an attempt to warm them up, and flicked his light switch on. It was somehow better and worse at the same time. On one hand, he was able to see Sapnap better, but on the other hand, he was able to _see Sapnap better._

“Well, I’m not dead, obviously, and yeah I haven’t been around the past week,” Karl stated, strolling over to his armchair and hoisting himself up on the arm of it, “Apologies for that. I’ve been, uh,” he broke off, thinking up a quick and easy excuse for his absence, eventually landing on, “Studying. Also, it’s not unusual for me to vanish for a decent while, man. You know this.”

This part was actually not an excuse. Karl had the tendency to get completely enveloped in projects sometimes, and would lose days and nights in pursuing whatever new hobby he had that week. Usually Quackity, George and Sapnap would just arrive at his house, much like what was happening right now, and would rise him out of his creative dip, forcing him to take care of himself. 

He also vanished into a completely different timeline sometimes, but that wasn’t something he could discuss with his friends.

“Well, yeah, but we usually get some sort of warning beforehand, even if we gotta decipher it for ourselves. Normally, you’ll start rambling about a new project, or thing you’d like to try. Then, you’ll spend days in the library, researching things and repeating the info back to us, then you’ll disappear for a while.” 

Sapnap tapped his temple, “I’ve got your patterns all figured out, Jacobs.”

Karl was slightly taken back by the amount of thought that his friend had put into his small habits. It made him feel-

Well, that was just it. It made him _feel,_ which was the exact opposite of what he’d been trying to do for the past week. _God damn it._

“Well, if you have me figured out so well, Mr. Detective-Nap, why bother coming to see me this late into the night, huh?” Karl quipped snidely. He knew he was being rude, but this was going completely and utterly against anything he’d planned for. 

“Well, _Mr. Jacobs,_ you were different this time. You had no new interest that I heard of, and you’d been acting all weird and more non-focusy than usual. I didn’t know what was up, so I came to see it for myself. _‘Curiosity killed the cat’_ and all that jazz.”

“That’s sweet of you, and I appreciate it, but _4am?_ Imagine I was doing some crazy cult sacrifice or something. It would be really embarrassing on your part to walk into that.”

“Especially considering the fact you’d have to kill me for stumbling upon your evil murder demon stuff. I’d become your next goon to muder,” Sapnap laughed, stretching out further on the couch. “Anyway, from what I can see so far, you’re _not_ having a murder fest, which means that it’s prime sleepover time. So, Karl, grab the extra blankets, and get your ass back up to bed so that we can get some of those _crisp_ z’s.”

_No._ No, Sap couldn’t stay here. If he stayed, sure, he’d get a good sleep. But from what he could gather from the boy’s last night over, the emotions that came enraptured with this strange relationship they had would hit him like a freight train when he woke up in the morning and saw his sleeping friend looking ethereal and hazy beneath the gentle glow of the sunbeams filtering through his curtains.

Snapping back into focus, Karl saw Sapnap looking at him expectantly. _How did he make up a reasonable excuse to why he couldn’t stay over without completely and utterly shattering their friendship?_

“I, uh, I can’t do a sleepover tonight, actually.” _Perfect, just leave it at that, and he can leave._

“Well, it’s just convenient that it happens to be tomorrow already,” Sapnap spoke slyly, pointing towards the mushroom clock on the wall that read out _4:10AM_.

“No. No I-I know it’s tomorrow. But, seriously dude. You can’t stay over right now.”  
  


Sapnap’s smile cracked slightly at this, his brows furrowing ever so slightly. 

“Ok, dude, for real. What’s gotten into you? I get that you want to be alone right now, and that’s fair. But you’ve been practically dodging me specifically for the past few weeks, even _before_ you took into your little recluse. Can you like, at least _tell_ me if I did something wrong before I leave?”

_God,_ how could he explain this? He wasn’t gonna straight up admit the issue at hand, but if he didn’t, Sapnap would leave thinking he’d done something wrong. While technically he _had_ done something, it wasn’t actually him, it was more dream him. Sleepnap. And Sleepnap was affecting his thoughts and views on _actual_ Sapnap, and in turn that was causing him to have actual real life issues, and-

“Karl? You’re doing the thinking face again. Please, what’s going on up there?” Sapnap spoke softly, but there was a fire in his eyes that told Karl he wasn’t going to stop pushing until he got an answer.

_He just never stopped pushing._

“What?” 

Karl looked up at Sapnap, seeing an expression of near anger dancing across his features.

“Hm?” Karl, asked, confused as to what the other was asking.

“I _‘don’t stop pushing’_? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Sapnap demanded, eyes blazing.

“I- What? What are you-” Karl paused for a second, running a hand through his hair to push it out of his eyes, “Did I say that out loud-”

“Yeah, you did, and I’d like to know what the fuck it meant.” The other had risen from the couch at this stage, and was now standing in front of it, arms crossed and small slivers of smoke emitting from them. 

“It’s just- I’m trying,” Karl stumbled over his words, trying to make sense of everything without hurting Sapnap. “I’m not good with words right now, but I am trying ok. I’m trying to think, and to make sense of things, and make sure that everything stays ok, and I just can’t _think_ right now.”

“Because of me?”

“No, not exactly. I mean, you’re part of it, but-”

That was the wrong thing to say.

“Not _exactly?_ So I’m just _slightly_ part of the issue. Great. Fan-fucking-tastic Karl, that’s great to know.”

“I’m _trying_ , ok? I’m trying to make sense of it, but I’m not able to talk about it right now, especially not with you, and I-”

“Since when have you not been able to talk to me, huh?” Sapnap yelled out, tears of frustration filling his ivory eyes. “We have been friends for years, and there has been _nothing_ that I’ve never felt comfortable about sharing with you. I assumed that went both ways, but now I’m not so sure.” 

Somewhere in the conversation, the two had made their way over to each other, and were now standing firmly in the centre of the living room. They were so close, but so very far away from the comfort they usually took from the others presence.

This close, the two could read every emotion racing through the others mind. Karl had been hurt by the last comment Sapnap had made. He _was_ hiding a lot, but so was the other. Nobody was ever crystal clear, and if someone said they were, they were a liar. He was confused, and lost, and scared. 

Sapnap was angry. If any stranger had seen him in this moment, they would’ve been blinded by the layer of anger painted over him. Karl wished that he was an onlooker in that moment, because he was able to peer under that painted expression of fury to see hurt. So much hurt, pooling up behind his eyes.

“I wouldn’t hide anything from you unless it was absolutely vital. You know this, Sap,” Karl choked out through a waterlogged voice.

“Then don’t,” Sapnap’s voice wavered as he said this. “Don’t hide it, Karl. I can take it, I’m no coward.” The last part was said pointedly, flaring Karl’s anger just a tad more.

Karl broke eye contact, staring down at the floor. Dark oak. He liked the texture of it. It went well with all colours, but it always seemed to make the place have a gloomier touch to it.

He shook his head, refusing to look back up at Sapnap. He couldn’t look at the emotions he’d so painfully painted on the others face. It was hard enough hearing them through the wavers in his voice.

He heard a sharp intake of breath, and a shaky exhale. 

“Okay. Alright then.”

Sapnap shoved past Karl, making sure to knock into his shoulder and make him stumble. _Yeah, he deserved that._

Bang. 

The door slammed shut, and Sapnap was gone. 

Karl didn’t sleep well that night. Or the next. Or for the rest of the week, for that matter, despite being finally free of the cursed dream.

Instead, he sat alone in his misery, knowing he’d hurt his friend. Knowing that, by effect, he’d managed to single handedly hurt all of his friends. All because he couldn’t put up with himself for a few hours, and be there to support his friend who was clearly reaching out to him, a friend who was trying with everything he had to drag him out of this despairing spiral he’d found himself in.

No. Instead, he’d pushed him to tears, insulted him, and forced him out of his home, a place where he’d said that anyone and everyone would always be welcome. _Great._ He’d fucked everything up once again, and here he was, wallowing in his own stupid self pity. 

He allowed himself two days of agonising sadness. It was on the third day that the silent realisation hit him. 

If he didn’t do anything, he was going to lose everyone. 

Karl was now wrapped up in a bundle of anxiety and sadness, and it was _not_ going well for him. He’d always been able to lean on others, if not for support then for comfort, even if they didn’t realise that they _were_ comforting him. But today, for the first time in what may be years, Karl was alone in his thoughts.

He needed to gather a plan, and think things through. He could collect himself, and-

No.

No, _fuck_ planning. He’d see enough results over the past week to know that planning never, _ever_ worked out in his favour. His thoughts get jumbled, his emotions get all mixed, and it simply _sucks_. 

Karl was going to make his way over to Sapnap’s house, and he was going to fix all of his problems, each and every one, no matter the cost.

Things couldn’t get worse than they already are, right?

Probably not.

Karl took his time preparing himself, and tried not to think too far ahead. Letting himself be riddled with fear before he might have to face one of his biggest ones was a definite recipe for complete and utter disaster. 

He took a shower, first off. He wanted to make sure that he didn’t bring any lingering signs of misery with him, so that he didn’t get any extra underserved pity. He had a small meal of apple slices and tea, and put on one of his comfiest sweaters, just in case. 

If he was gonna sob, he’d rather do it in comfort and style.

The trek to Sapnap’s house was suffocatingly silent. Normally he was able to drag someone along with him so that he could have light conversation. Those trips probably took longer in actuality, but it was more fun than walking alone.

If he couldn’t have anyone with him, if they were busy, or if he was simply feeling a soft and lonely mood, he walked alone, and rifled through his thoughts in peace, letting himself feel completely wrapped in his environment. He learned quite a lot about his surrounding areas, as he usually stumbled upon small, trailing dirt paths and miniature creeks that he’d spend hours at a time sitting at.

Today, however, his thoughts weren’t his usual dazy, comforting kind. Today his thoughts were sharp and quick, trailing behind him at every corner he turned. His legs felt heavy and no matter how fast he walked, he couldn’t shake the hollow feeling he had in his bones.

He blamed it on the fact that he hadn’t walked around this much in a while. He’d let his emotions get the best of him before, and he wasn’t gonna do it again.

  
  


He crossed winding roads, and frozen brushes. Everything seemed to be frozen and tired, looking how Karl felt on the inside. He realised that he was probably over imagining, but still. He could sit and enjoy his dramatics in his own head, especially if they distracted him from the overwhelming and looming presence of doom that had furrowed its way into his mind.

Arriving at Sapnap’s house, Karl paused. He had no plan, no script, no apology gift or note, nothing. He probably should’ve brought a book with him so that he could slide a note under the door for the other, just in case he didn’t let him in, which he might not. He had every single right to, especially considering how Karl had acted towards him a few days previous. Karl truly hoped this wasn’t how the event would go, not knowing if he was capable of handling any more heartache after the agony of the past few days had washed over him, but he figured if it did happen, it wasn’t anything less than he deserved.

He deserved much worse, if he was being honest with himself.

“No time like the present,” he sighed to himself, wearily making his way up the path to Sapnap’s door. “This should be simple. Raise your fist, knock, hope and pray that he opens the door, and beg for forgiveness. Easy enough, right?”

He waited.

He didn’t knock. He couldn’t knock, feeling as though every joint in his body had collectively decided to go against his wishes and stay as still as humanly possible. Maybe he should leave, turn around and walk as fast as he could home. Being a hermit probably wouldn’t be _too_ bad, and he would get used to the silence before long-

The door swung open, with Sapnap standing tall, proud and angry in its threshold. 

_Shoot._

Somehow Karl had managed to plan without planning, and now he stood frozen and silent, trying to scramble together his thoughts while staring at his friend.

Anger and pride had always been such a pretty sight to see on the other’s face.

“Are you, uh, just gonna lurk in the middle of my lawn, or can I close the door to keep the heat in?” Sapnap questioned, breaking the silence and getting Karl’s open mouth to finally start working. 

“We-uh, I figured you, um, weren’t gonna let me in, so I was thinking of what to do, and how to get you to talk to me, I wasn’t actually just standing here,” Karl spoke frantically now, letting his words out at a mile a minute, “Well, I suppose I _was_ actually just standing here, or whatever, but that wasn’t the point for this visit, I was actually planning to see you or whatever, I guess, but if you’d rather I stay in the garden that would be cool too, I just-”

Karl’s sentence was thankfully interrupted by a string of laughter erupting from the boy standing in the doorway. Shocked, relieved, and only slightly embarrassed, Karl took a breath. He needed to think, and maybe _not_ ramble out every single thought that came into his head.

“Look, Sapnap, I-”

“I don’t mean to interrupt again, but you’re quite literally still standing outside. Are you planning to come in?” Sapnap asked once more, standing slightly to the side and swinging the door even more ajar to make way for the slightly flushed Karl.

“Right, yes of course,” Karl mumbled out, practically feeling the warmth emitting from his red cheeks.

The pair walked into the comfort of Sapnap’s kitchen, where there were plants littered across the windowsill, and dirt spilling over the sides of the damp pots. 

Karl sat down, rubbing his hands along the laced edges of the red and black tablecloth that was casually draped across the table. Sapnap sat on top of his counter, leaning his elbow on his knee, a thin mask of anger placed back on his face. 

Now that Karl had managed to clear some of the initial shock from his mind and was thinking with a bit more clarity, he could see that the other wasn’t entirely angry. It was more a mixture of hurt and panic, hidden under a guise of fury. Karl knew the other well, and he knew this was to ensure that he wouldn’t come across vulnerable, or scared. 

He’d put that there. _Shit._

Sapnap finally broke the uncomfortable silence that had settled over the lot of them, speaking in a cold, monotonal voice,

“Why are you here, Karl? I figured you were still in your hermit phase, and wanted to be left alone. You’re lucky that I respected that, otherwise I would’ve marched my ass back up there the very next day to chew you out the way you did me.”

Karl inhaled sharply at that. Even while furious, and hurt, he still respected his wishes. He still _cared_ enough about him to leave him be. 

He couldn’t deny the warmth that was spilling through his chest at this stage. Unsure of what emotions he was even having at this stage, feeling them all swirl in and out of his mind as quickly as they arrived, Karl began to speak. 

“Fist off, I’m gonna apologise. I was absolutely horrible to you, and there’s no nice way to put it,” Karl swallowed, eyes downcast, and continued on, “To keep it a buck fifty with you, I was spooked. Scared. And I didn’t know what to do, or how to react so I kinda took it out on you, which was a jerk move of me. And I’m sorry.”

Sapnap’s anger seemed to slightly fade at this, and he leaned further back onto the counter, spreading himself out into a more comfortable position. 

“Apology accepted. I kinda figured something was going on, I mean, you’re not usually the type to lash out at people. That’s normally my job,” he added at the end, nodding slightly, before a wave of confusion came over him, “But you said you were scared? Scared of what?”

He seemed apprehensive asking the last part, almost fearing what the response might be. 

Karl steadied his shaky breath, and prepared himself to answer. He only had one chance to get this right, and to keep everything stable. He could do this. He had this in the bag.

“I’ve been having weird dreams. They aren’t exactly scary, per say, just weird I guess, so uh, bare with me?” Karl stated, looking up at the other. Once he got the nod of confirmation, he continued on with his story.

“They always start the same. It’s all of us from the group together. We’re doing anything, be it Manhunt, or mining, or just adventuring around the place. We’re laughing, and everything is fine. It’s normal, and nice, and I like it.” He pauses for a second, spreading out his hands in an attempt to smoothen down the creases in the tablecloth. He found that keeping his hands occupied helped him keep more on track when talking. 

“About halfway through the dream, it starts to, uh. Change? In a way?”

He looked back up at Sapnap, trying to gauge his reaction. The other was sitting cross legged, his body leaning forward.

“Change in a bad way, I’m assuming?”

“Kinda? It’s a bit hard to explain, really. We get split up from the group, just you and me. We end up hiding from the others, trying to scare them, or we get lost coming home from the mines. Something along those lines, you know?”

“Anyway, we end up alone and isolated. We’re having a good time and laughing, like we always are.”

“And then?”

“And then,” Karl’s breathing is more laboured here, and he’s paying very close attention to the distance between them, “The dream gets sort of stranger.”

“What, do I end up being an axe murderer or some shit like that?” Sapnap laughed out. “Was little Karly scared I was gonna decapitate him with my big, strong, axe wielding arms?”

Sapnap hopped off the counter at that, grabbing a roll of tissue paper off the kitchen counter and swinging it around him in a 360 and dramatically flexing his arms at the end.

Karl laughed out, and responded, “No, what the honk. You’re not an axe murderer in the dream, dude, that’s so dumb.”

“Oh? Not a terrifying axe wielder? How could the dream be horrible, then, if yours truly isn’t a super spooky slaughterboy?”

Karl was hesitant with his response, simply saying, “It wasn’t horrible. I said it was strange.”

“You’re being strange.”

“And _you’re_ being nosy.”

“Well, yeah. I feel like It’s justified, my dude. I wanna know what event caused my sweet and temperamental friend to drag me harder than a stan in a ship war on twitter.”

Karl said nothing to this, staring the other in the eyes. They were close enough now that he could examine the other’s eyes properly without it being weird. 

They looked exactly like how everyone imagined lily pads to look in their daydreams.

“What happens in the dream, Karl?” Sapnap pushed, voice lowering to a calm and steady tone.

“I don’t want things to get weird between us.”  
  


“I need to know.”

“There isn’t any going back from this, Sapnap.”

“There never was, not since I walked out your door and you walked in through mine.”

“Fine. We’re together, hidden from sight. We start joking, and laughing, and you turn it flirty, like you always do. I expect it, and laugh.”

“Then?”

“Then you come in closer to me, and everything gets quiet. The world around gets hazy, the way it usually does in dreams.”

“And?”

“Sapnap-”

“Say it, Karl.”

“You already know. You know what happens, you know how it ends, so _why_ are you pushing this hard for it?” 

They’re hardly inches apart at this stage, both speaking in a hushed whisper, eyes darting across the others face.

“Why can’t you say it?”

“Why are you so desperate to hear it?”

“I’m desperate to hear it because it’s coming from you.”

Karl lets himself exhale shakily, and steels himself to say the finishing sentence. _Now or never again,_ and all that honk.

“And then you lean in, and you destroy every single shot I have at keeping you out of my mind.”

And then he’s frozen, arms locked around the other as he leans in and puts anything he’d felt in the dream to shame. This was inescapable, and he wasn’t waking up to be rid of it. He’d never wake up from this again, and he’s so thankful for that, for once. 

Right now, he’s here, awake and well. He’s wrapped in his lover’s arms, his mind running through blissful, innocent love, and he has never felt more content than he has in this moment.

Both of their nightmares could wait until morning. Right now, they were both swimming through the dream-like haze of complete and utter love, and they were entirely consumed by the other’s complete and utter warmth, and together they would sit in these kindling flames until day breaks again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thinking about church.


End file.
